Inspiration Through Fear

‘When the time is right, things fall into place.  Let go of the disappointment, it’s there for a reason, to grow’.

– Michelle Townsend. 

What Lies Beneath? 

‘Fear lies beneath. It hides, it’s sneaky.  It pops it’s head up when we least expect.  It brings forward feelings we didn’t realise were there.   Feelings that we thought were there can change and seem to lead to something more underlying, much deeper rooted.  We start asking ourselves questions of ‘why do I feel this way?’, ‘Why does this situation rattle my emotions?’.  We can start to feel a little baffled by it all.  

What does it teach us?  Where does it take us?  What is the real reason for it?  

There’s only Two

woman biting nails habit

It’s interesting to know that we are in fact born with only two innate fears.  The fear of loud noises or sounds, and the fear of falling.  Common human fears include fear of death, the fear of being abandoned, and one I find which resonates with a lot of people and deal with many times in sessions is the fear of failure.  

Apart from the two main fears, we create all others from our experiences as we go through life.  Experiences which have strong emotional links sink deep down into our subconscious.  The subconscious locks away our experiences good and bad and creates beliefs around them.  These beliefs become programs, programs that want to protect us.   The subconscious is just doing its job of looking after us…but…it doesn’t always get it right.  Fears can create blockages, stopping us moving forward, taking the next step, and even living life. 

From a Different Perspective

If we can learn to look at fear in a different perspective and foster a deeper understanding; fear could be our ultimate friend.  With this in mind, we can then start to process difficult situations from our past to help us create positive change for our future.  We can’t change the past, we can only learn and develop from it.  If we can take a step back from fear, acknowledge it, accept it; fear then strengthens the soul, powers us up, drives us. Learning to honour it as guidance is the real KEY here. 

Hidden Realisations

Have you ever lived through an experience where you thought you were just going through the motions of it, what you thought were normal responses, to then find you’d been experiencing FEAR all along without even realising?  I want to share something with you.  

Feel the Release…and Breathe

On the evening of Wednesday 15th February 2023, I settled myself into bed. It had been an extremely busy week.  Work life Balance had been hard going, tiring, but I always manage it.   I went to bed feeling extremely content, at peace, relaxed, and a balanced mindset.  I was suddenly made aware of a powerful feeling of release; the pressure had been completely taken off; the release valve opened.  It had suddenly come to my awareness that I had been holding onto fear which I hadn’t even realised.  My body felt complete rest, relieved, free. Why? Why did I suddenly become aware of this?  The release of the tension, the pressure, was the signal.  I had space to breathe.  

Now, you might say ‘well you have space to breathe anyway Michelle’ but apparently, I didn’t. This was the big realisation. That feeling of release.  I had received the news of the Hay House Writers Contest that evening only a few hours earlier.  

We are All Human

Yes, I’m a therapist, but I’m also a human being living life, having life experiences just like anyone else.  Sometimes people put therapists up on a pedestal, they have all the answers.  Yes, we have the techniques and tools to work clients through situations, we guide them to create the change within themselves; but we too have our shit to work through, continuing to have our life experiences also. I certainly work and teach from experience, especially with the cancer I experienced.  That turned out to be a true blessing.    

Entries Galore

It was on 15th December 2022 that I had submitted my book proposal for the publishing contest.  The proposal is almost a book within itself, months of work.  Hay House had received 250 entries for this session, WOW!  There were only three prizes up for grabs, in fact they changed it to four because they had received such high-caliber proposals! It’s wonderful to hear so many people are writing their inspirational stories to share.  I felt proud I had achieved this thus far; proud to be a part of this chance.  I honoured that within me.  

When The Time Is Right

On the 15th February 2023 we received the news of the contest winners.   Before the news I hadn’t realised how much I had been working myself up around the announcement, both in a positive and negative way.  Thoughts of ‘Oh it would be totally amazing if I won!  Look at what I could achieve, look at where this could take me, look how many people I could help by sharing my story’.  To then thinking…. ‘If I get through, look at everything I’m required to do!  How will I know how to do all this?  How will this sort and that sort?’ my mind was on overdrive.  Positive…negative…positive…negative, but I would always bring it back to the joy and gratitude of achieving and receiving that publishing deal, if it was meant to be.  

Processing Fear

What I realised that night was I had been living in fear.  The fact that I hadn’t got through this time didn’t faze me at all.  It became apparent by the feeling of release, the feeling of then being able to breathe again, that deep down I had been doubting myself.  ‘Am I good enough to write this book?  Who am I to write a book!’  

Not winning got me off the hook!  I know, totally ridiculous!  I was absolutely fine with the result, I felt so happy for the writers who had won.  It wasn’t my time, and I wholeheartedly accepted that.  

It highlighted for me to reassess my feelings.  Knowing I can resubmit again in June, whether I self-publish, or look at other publishers. It was an option, I do have choices, we always have choices.  Chapters have already started to change, so I’m adapting, going with the flow, growing with it.  My book will be ready when it’s time.  

It’s Normal to Feel this Way

Hay House Writers Community has been a blessing.  There is so much help and guidance from being part of this wonderful writing community.  Obviously, it isn’t free, I pay for it, but it is worth every penny.  

We have a section on there where each month we have a video to watch.  These are inspirational talks from Hay House authors who share their personal experiences of writing, their journey, and their advice.  These include names such as Dr Wayne Dyer, Marianne Williamson, Kyle Grey, Rebecca Campbell, Brendon Burchard, Gabrielle Bernstein, the list goes on.  

What became apparent that night was I was experiencing what almost every single writer experiences.  All the above and more have shared their feelings around fear, fear of not being good enough, fear of becoming a writer, fear of…you name it!  These wonderful writers have all shared their fears, their setbacks, and stories to help us.  I felt normal thinking back over these videos I’ve watched.  After all, most of these authors self-published in the first instance. I distinctly remember Dr David Hamilton sharing his powerful story at a talk a few years ago of how he felt regarding his writing of his first book and self-publishing, overcoming his fears. His latest blog ‘Say Yes to Life’ also shares fears of saying ‘yes’ and how in fact they can be the making of you.  They are all truly inspirational stories to hear.  It keeps you going.  

J. K. Rowling’s original Harry Potter book was rejected 12 times before it got it’s first publishing contract!    It has to be a face your fear and do it anyway situation.  ‘Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway’ Susan Jeffers rings a bell here. 

Sharing Our Fears Helps Others…It Empowers

How do we learn if we don’t share our fears? By talking about it we can process the feelings; create the learning that’s required to move forward, step forward and at the same time help others.  We tend to put off doing things because we are scared we don’t know how to do it! Just like listening to all the authors on Hay House, it makes us feel normal, a normal process.  With that understanding in mind it gives us the release, the freedom to continue and flow. Bite the bullet and just go for it!

People tend to hide their fears thinking it shows weakness when I fact we can use it as our strength!  Its all about changing our perspective.  We don’t have a manual for life, we just experience it.  It’s from those experiences we develop.  Moving from our head to our hearts can shift us. We are here to enjoy ourselves.  So rather than fearing the journey, ride it like a rollercoaster.  Yes, there will be ups and downs, accept that, that’s all part of the fun!  

Did anyone know how to do anything in the first place?  No they didn’t!! They had to learn through the process of inspiration through fear! You are guided along the way, one step leads to the next.  Learn to roll with it.  Adversity strengthens the soul, it breeds strength!  Pick yourself back up and continue, you’ll generate more wisdom that way. You learn more from your mistakes.

Help is Always Around

My intention here has been to help you look at fear in a different way, albeit subtle.  Maybe it has resonated with you in someway to help you in an area of your life.  Your fears may be completely different to mine, but we all have them, every single one of us.  It helps to ask yourself, ‘What am I wanting to achieve with my life?  How can I create that?’  Connect with that.  The right thoughts and directions will come in for you.  You’ve put the thought out so to speak.  Trust the guidance, follow your bliss. 

Do you have hidden fears you wish to address?  Get in touch for help and advice in navigating your fears.  Sometimes all it takes is that change of perspective. Get your life back on track.

As Anita Moorjani says in her book Dying to be Me… ‘live life fearlessly!‘

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Pace, Patience, Appreciation and Achievements

Busy, Busy, Busy!

The last few months of 2022 proved to be extremely busy, almost overwhelming, and a bit stressful – but fabulously amazing!  Running two businesses; continuing with writing the content for my book; completing my book proposal and the research for it; keeping up with social media posts; running music exams and then attempting to make time for me – my space to breathe.  Now I must say the last one of those took a bit of a back step considering what I preach to clients.  I could have done with 40 hours in a day rather than 24!  There were many 2 a.m.’s, quite a few to be honest, but I did it.  Sometimes life is like that. 

Simple Things are Achievements Too!

When we reach a deadline, we feel fantastic!  It feels such an achievement.  It’s such a big thing to us, but do we stop and acknowledge our achievements of the little things in life? The simple everyday things that we do. The things that almost seem part of our life that we just do on autopilot and take for granted, the daily chores.  

‘Oi You!’ Stop and Remember!

Christmas 2022 became a powerful reminder for me.  It was almost a kick up the back side to say ‘oi’ remember what you do, remember what you have done, remember all the things that you do and honour your achievements large or small, but remember to be there for YOU!

After the extremely busy few months preceding Christmas, my body decided it was time to step back; it was time for Covid!  Now, I’m a great believer that if we are on the verge of burn out, then the body almost says ‘that’s enough’ we are going to knock you off your feet so you will rest!  So it did. 

Sitting With What You Can’t Change…

Christmas was cancelled completely.  I was gutted. I was so looking forward to a Christmas where I could finally get back to a more balanced routine and enjoy family time, but it wasn’t to be.  It was complete bed rest and although I had to deal with symptoms, it was very refreshing.  I completely switched off; I had to; I had no choice in the matter.  Even though I had really enjoyed the journey and the experiences of being super busy, I had no urge to read, to go on social media, to write, nor, in fact, to do any of the things I had been doing. I had, after all got into an amazing routine, which I am proud of, but it was the warning to switch off and rest.  So…I followed my joy and found the enjoyment in watching films.

Acceptance Is key…

In brief, Covid knocked the energy right out of me in the weeks that followed.  I had to accept that just for a while I had to take a step back and honour me (Which I sometimes find hard to do) but that’s ok.  It was good for me.  Whilst resting I thought about what I’d been doing.  Just thinking about what I’d achieved wore me out.  Had I really done all of that before Christmas? How did I keep going? Where on earth did I find the energy to do all of that?  

When you experience fatigue, you learn to pace yourself, you learn to be patient, you must, you have no choice.  I’ve been there before with cancer treatment, so you’d think I’d know.  I’d even had to stop my running back in October because there physically wasn’t time or energy in my schedule to go out on a run.  Especially with 2 a.m.’s on the cards.  That was just something else to do, so I paused it for a while.  Sometimes we must make sacrifices. 

I felt guilty for not sharing my regular posts on social media and for not writing. The list goes on.  But I knew that I had to take the strong step back, to heal, to reset and it’s absolutely OK!

Go Gentle…

Starting back to work after the Christmas break had to be subtle. I prioritised what needed to be done, what didn’t and what could wait.  Learning to be patient and honour the simple things in life, such as those daily chores, remembering that those in themselves are massive achievements and something to be proud of.  You build yourself back up.  It was a powerful reminder.   

Realisations…

So, where am I going with this blog? What can you learn from it? You’ve already taken the information you require from it believe it or not.  That’s your subconscious working.  It would have highlighted many things within you to reconsider, you probably resonate with what I’ve shared in some way.  Use it to create change. 

You Set the Pace…

Life is busy, we all know that.  Jobs can become overwhelming whether at work or at home.  But life can be as busy or as relaxed as we make it.  We have a choice in any one moment about how we are going to deal with these jobs.  We are all guilty of setting the tread mill pace too fast without realising it.  When things need to be done, we just get on and do it in the best way we can and that’s great!  Sometimes we take too much on, overwhelming us without realising it.  

Acknowledging the Simple Things are Important…

So how can this reminder help?  What if we took the stance to acknowledge every simple little thing we do during each day.  Practising placing our thoughts into giving thanks and experiencing a feeling of gratitude for what we achieve every day, even those little chores.  We never think they are necessary or important, but they are.  Each chore takes up energy to achieve, it is within itself an achievement.  This may seem rather silly but it’s important. If acknowledging those little daily chores highlights to you what you are doing, could it change your choices and teach you to pace and be patient with yourself to help create a more balanced lifestyle? Absolutely it can!! We need to honour what we do, every single bit of it!  If we don’t, we can push ourselves too far.  Self-care is so important. 

Create the Balance…

So, what can we do to help create more balance in our lives? Here’s a few simple tips to help create Pacing, Patience, and Appreciation of your Achievements. 

  • Prioritise – what’s important and what can wait? 
  • Pace yourself – Go with the flow of what’s comfortable for you.  Remember to balance activities.
  • Be Patient – take the pressure off, go easy on yourself.
  • Praise and appreciation – Praise yourself up for what you can do.
  • Time Out – Allow times throughout the day to take a step back and reset, even if only for 10 minutes.  Being aware of what you are doing and being proud of it!
  • Space to Breathe – The breath is fantastic for bringing us back into balance.  Take time to allow space to breathe.  Nice deep breath in and slowly and gently exhaling out.  It feels good!  It is good!  You can do this in your time out. 
  • Rest Time – Honour a space each day to switch off completely (no that doesn’t mean bedtime! Or surfing social media!) If you switch off once home from work, make it more special.  Rest completely. 
  • Practise Gratitude – There is always something to be grateful for.  Remember those little things.  You’ll find more things to be grateful for because that’s where you are focused.
  • Enjoy the Journey – We are here to enjoy our lives.  Enjoy the simple things, you deserve it!  The bigger things will seem even more special when we take this approach.  Try it!

Final Word

These are all very simple but powerful.  Don’t allow yourself to burn out.  It’s all too easy to follow our thoughts and push ourselves.  Realise the importance of pacing and being patient with yourself, whether dealing with illness or busy daily life.  Take a step back, realise what you are doing and avoid going too fast on that tread mill!  Set your pace and enjoy the journey!

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#Pace #Patience #Appreciation #Achievements #stepback #reset #heal

Electromagnetic Energy of Responding

The way to change others’ minds is with affection, and not with anger.

– Dalai Lama

How people treat you is their karma, how you respond is yours.

– Dr Wayne Dyer.

Two powerful quotes.  Each one stands alone within itself.  Put them both together and they are pretty amazing. Something that stands strong within me, that came forward from a place of adversity. 

It’s interesting when you look at the ‘energy of responding’ between people or something.  Especially if you are experiencing a negative response or an attack.  When I started treating Electromagnetic Hypersensitivity as though it was a person, that’s when things changed. That’s when I started to heal. It was powerful!

I have mainly referred to ‘them’ regarding people in this blog, for easiness of reading; but please refer to ‘them’ as ‘it’ as well, for other things or situations (e.g. such as Electromagnetic sensitivity in my case), because this situation can be used and utilised with either case very powerfully.

Learning

I learned a lot from my journey of Electromagnetic Hypersensitivity.  I’m quite proud of it to be honest.  Although totally debilitating at the time, it taught me how you can manipulate energy.  In fact, we all manipulate energy every second of the day by how we respond.  Yes, it took a while to realise, but once it clicked it became a very powerful realisation.  It taught me how to respond around people and different scenarios in life.  It really was quite a hard but helpful experience. 

What do I mean by Energy?

Everyone has different views on energy, some people don’t even connect with the word in the way I am describing it.  Let me explain a little here.  It is basically physics.  Everything is energy, whether you believe or not.  Everything that is in physical form, vibrates at a frequency.  It must, to maintain its solidness. Although nothing is really solid.

There are also non-physical things that vibrate at a frequency.  This is where I am going to use your mobile phone as an example.  When you send out a text message via your phone, do you see the words pop out the end; fly through the air, vanish in the distance and then land in the other persons mobile phone? No! absolutely not! That’s what I mean by energy.  EVERYTHING IS ENERGY!  And we have both negative and positive energy. 

Stand in your power

So, a little about this communication thing.  When you are experiencing a negative energy response, no matter where it is coming from, stand in your own power and just keep responding with kindness. Watch what happens. Be fully aware.  Be observant in the moment. Almost take a step back from the situation as though you are external from it, looking at it from a bird’s eye view. By doing this you are giving yourself space to process the information, the energy that is being presented to you. 

No Response is Powerful

No response is sometimes the best.  It will frustrate them more by you not responding. It will most likely confuse them and make them feel guilty or uncomfortable. You are highlighting that it is not acceptable, you are honouring your space and your energy by doing this.  You may find from practising no response that you get an apology, a change of some sort. Which you just accept if that occurs.  

Still continue to maintain and keep with the kind responses or no response. You’ll be amazed what happens. It might take time but when it does it’s amazing! There’s nothing they can throw back at you.  You’ve given them nothing but kindness or balanced energy in return.  Whether a person or ‘it’, I’m referring to IT as you would a person.  It’s a good analogy to have.  Whatever situation is at hand see IT as a bubble of energy if you like.  Whichever way you do this is irrelevant, the fact is you are addressing them.  It’s the addressing that’s key. 

Handing back the Negativity

You are handing back the negativity, you are not owning it. Not owning the ‘energy’. You reflect what they need to change in them.  You are in fact teaching them a lesson – to create positive change for themselves or the situation in which they find themselves. Plus, you are not lowering your energy levels down to their level.  

Negative energy has a lower frequency, positive energy has a higher frequency.  Maintain your high frequency at every cost in the moment.   By standing in your higher vibrational energy, you are helping the other person.  Giving the guidance for them to change to also respond with kindness.  It will lift them up to a higher place of energy. 

It may not be understood at that point in time, but it will eventually take place.   They have a choice to stay where they are or move to a higher place of positivity.  Your response has given them the option, the ball is in their court then. You have handed it over.  The energy you give out must be responded to.  You will experience situations to match it, it’s how quantum physics works. 

It gets easier and easier

It’s so hard for people to not respond, but once you’ve done it once and seen the power of it, you’ll do it again and again. No response is so much more powerful.  I always remember from many years ago, just after I had gone through my cancer journey. I didn’t response in a way the other person thought I would.  I responded with kindness and forgiveness.  I could have said quite a few things in return, but I chose not to.  The feeling it gave me from practising forgiveness in that moment freed me from the situation.  I could really feel the energy flowing through my body as it happened and as I walked away.  It was unbelievable, it was so empowering. Almost indescribable. It would have also sent messages to the other person to look at how they responded and change their energy. 

Your energy of responding can be changed by YOU at any moment for the better. Your energy resides within your responses. It’s that choice of response to that person, that thing, that situation …

– Michelle Townsend

Practise … Practise … Practise

As with most things, it’s just practise, and when you understand how energy works it becomes easier. Especially when you start getting responses that you didn’t expect. Remember, just watch the space. Be observant in the days and weeks that follow. Give them time to process it. It’s the same with anything in life, it doesn’t necessarily have to be relationships with people that we practise these responses.  When I started to respond in this way, when experiencing issues with Electrical Hypersensitivity, my body started changing, responding and catching up.  The energy changed around it. 

Self-respect

It’s also self-respect for you. You are not adding to the negative energy of it all.  By not responding you are highlighting to them that you are not part of their energy.  You are not feeding it.

If you had have responded with the same negativity, with fight, it would have got nastier, stronger.  That’s what they want, to prove they were right. With regards people, it’s the natural human ego taking over.  I’m right and your wrong!  But that’s only their thought process from their perception, nothing to do with yours. You have your own perception too.  Even though they may think it’s you, that’s their perception of the situation not yours. We can only perceive from ourselves.

By not responding how THEY wanted you to respond, you are now external to it because that’s your choice, that’s you practising self-respect, maintaining, and protecting your own energy. 

Change the thought and you change the response. 

It’s really fascinating isn’t it.  It’s very powerful.  I love how energy works and the mind. There is a big part of me that is very grateful that I experienced this EHS (Electromagnetic Hypersensitivity).  It was horrendous at the time, but in hindsight it certainly trained my brain to understand how energy works, how we can play with it, how we can adjust it and how we can manipulate it.  It’s back to that choice in any moment.  Change the thought and you change the response.  The energy vibration changes. Cause and effect. 

Your Responsibility

This process is a small part of how I got over the electrical sensitivity. Obviously, that wasn’t a person, that’s the ‘it’ I’m talking about, but it’s exactly the same scenario.   You see, either way we are talking about energy, it’s still a response.  Whether responses are with people or things, or situations, whatever they may be, it’s all the same type of energy playing out in front of you.  How you choose to deal with it is your responsibility, your choice. 

Final Words

This also brings back in the perception aspect.  We all perceive from our own experiences, our conditioning, which in some cases isn’t necessarily good energy.  If we can train our brain to understand about energy, then we can start to foster responses that are for the better, not only for us but for the other person or situation. Refer to last week’s blog on ‘What ‘Permission’ do YOU Allow?’.  It all links in. 

“Like attracts like. Just be who you are, calm and clear and bright. Automatically, as we shine who we are, asking ourselves every minute is this what I really want to do, doing it only when we answer yes, automatically that turns away those who have nothing to learn from who we are, and attracts those who do, and from whom we have to learn, as well”.  

– Richard Bach, Illusions.  The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah. 

Don’t feed what you don’t like!   

It’s the old saying, ‘are you watering weeds, or are you watering flowers?’  

Feed what you want in life, let all the other stuff go. 

What ‘Permission’ do YOU allow?

Writing about my childhood memories this last week and talking about them with a friend, made me realise something really obvious. Something that I never knew back then.  It highlighted that if we could be taught a deeper understanding of the mind; how it works in simple terms when in our younger years at school, life would be made so much easier as we grow into adults.  Easier to understand, easier to flow through, easier to respond to, easier to navigate when we experience difficult times, situations or emotions.  The part I am talking about is learning about ‘permission’, our perception of it, and the knock-on effects of it. 

Now you may think ‘permission?’ how could that work with the mind? Here’s what I noticed as I took a step back in time. 

We are taught permission

As a child we are taught to get permission to do something.  We are bought up being trained with ‘we must get permission’ off our parents/guardians/teachers.  The repetition of asking permission becomes a habit. This subliminal programming then takes hold of us in a lot of ways as we move into adulthood.  Many people carry this ‘get permission’ thing into adulthood and the rest of their lives in many ways.  But why? Why would we do that? 

You are like a sponge

From the third trimester in your mother’s womb, through to the age of 7, this is when your personality traits and habits are created.  You, as a child are like a sponge.  Ever heard of the saying ‘Give me the child and I’ll show you the man’.

You take in all the information around you without realising it.  Your subconscious remembers every experience of your life. Remembering experiences of how adults and children respond around you, how people deal with different situations, what’s right, what’s wrong. You absorb it all in. Most of how you respond or were taught to respond comes from your observation in those early years. Therefore, people have different beliefs and respond differently to different situations, but the general ‘get permission’ thing I have noticed is still the same. 

Monkey Brain Antics!

So, in fact, as a child we openly give permission to allow what we are seeing, hearing, experiencing, and feeling around us. It trains us to become who we are, to learn. It’s part of growing up. It’s also part of our subconscious programming, sometimes nicknamed our monkey brain, and it can play tricks on us. But are we really that person? Deep down? It’s only what we’ve picked up along the way. Now I’m not saying I had a bad childhood, neither am I implying to anyone that they had one either.  You will generally find that how our parents/guardians/peers respond around us, those traits will be picked up by you in some way or form, good or bad. Even from your teachers at school.  School especially teaches us all about getting ‘the good old PERMISSION!’.  Think about it!

Honour your own Permission!

Yes, we must have some order about things, and about life, but this permission thing when you investigate it further, makes sense as to why you would choose to not give yourself permission to do something you really want to do in life.  You’ve practised getting permission all your life from other people!  So why would you give yourself permission! You’ve practised it!  Life, after all is about enjoyment, being happy, thriving, and what makes us buzz. Why do we need permission to honour ourselves?  Well, we don’t really but because we have practised it so much it’s an automatic response. 

You don’t need permission from others to follow your heart … only YOU can allow that!

– Michelle Townsend

Taking things on board

The point I’m getting at here is, many times we take on board someone else’s choice without realising it. Because we see it in reality in front of us. Either being told yes we can, or no we can’t. Then we start to believe that it’s the right thing to do in that moment.  As a child we mop up all the information, we just accept it. Have you stopped to address how you feel about something? Does it feel right to you?  How does the way this person is talking to me make me feel?  We never question it as a child. 

This quote is perfect regarding the above …

‘Ships don’t sink because of the water around them; Ships sink because of the water that gets in them.  Don’t let what’s happening around you get inside you and weigh you down’ – Unknown.

The question is, are you going to allow what that person said to you sink into your mind?  To stop you doing what feels right? Do you agree with it? Or do you agree to keep the peace and not honour you?  This then causes a knock-on effect.  Bringing other aspects in. 

Trusting ourselves

If someone comments on something you are doing and they say ‘Oh, that’s a good idea, but I don’t think it would work out for you, I don’t think you should do that, is that going to benefit you?’  Well, the answer is ‘yes’ if it feels right for YOU, it is right.  It’s not about getting permission off someone else.  If we know it feels right for us, why do we take on board other people’s opinions, when we should be trusting ourselves, our own inner guidance?

Reflections and using ‘Permission’ to control

I’ve found these situations come up not only in my life but having conversations with friends and clients with their experiences too.  Once you understand what’s playing out it’s easy to see right through the situation.  Now I don’t want to sound harsh here, but this is usually what’s going on. 

What the person has said to you usually reflects what’s going on in their life.  People’s responses are always about them, from their perspective remember.  It can only be from their perspective, it’s all they’ve got. It’s usually a reflection of what they are missing or have a grievance with themselves in their life.  Why would they comment like that otherwise?  It’s this fear of not being good enough and someone being better than themselves sneaking in.  

Without realising they try to control by not giving permission.  It’s their protection, for themselves. This is what happens with school children.  The playground scenario, bullying. It’s the subconscious striving to be the best!  It runs at a subconscious level.  It becomes a competition. It’s been programmed in in your early years. ‘Do your best’, win the competition’, etc, etc. It’s using permission to control. If I don’t give them permission, they won’t do their best scenario. 

Sadly, you hear it so many times.  Children can be harsh.  But where has that arisen from? You usually find if a child is kind, doesn’t push in and honours their peers, tend to get pushed back and picked on.  It’s like they are a push over.  

I genuinely believe it’s to do with this permission aspect.  It’s drilled into children to strive to be the best, to strive to beat the other person, to win the race, there’s always a competition!  And of course, the responses that come from this programming show up.  Words are then spoken in ways that can be detrimental to stop the person that is doing well and wanting to move forward successfully.  

Competition

Of course, competition is good, it drives us to do better, it pushes us along.  There is also the saying that as soon as you put yourself in competition with someone you have already lost. Rather than being in competition connect with the sheer enjoyment of what it is you are doing. When you enjoy something, you will do your best anyway.  There is no try.  Change try to enjoy.  You just enjoy it and do it for the fun of it. The achievement of it for your life and your experience. There lies a big difference in the perception of it all. 

Not Realising

It’s a very subtle thought process but I’m sure you can see where I’m coming from here.  Maybe you haven’t thought about it like this before. Maybe you’ve experienced it.  How the mind processes permission from an early age can actually be detrimental to the adult.  We do it without realising.   Continuing the same processes of thought, the same responses.  It also blocks the flow of life because we feel we require permission to do something that we enjoy. We put it off for another day not allowing or giving ourselves the permission to move forward. It’s a habit!

Placing Blame

It’s important to not place blame on someone for not doing what you so dearly love in life, but it happens.  It’s only you that has stopped you from doing it! It’s also important to realise that we are the only ones responsible for what we allow or give permission too.  If there’s anyone to blame for stopping our flow or giving ourselves permission it’s ourselves, no-one else. 

Kindness

We can only be there for ourselves.  We can be kind and help people around us, and that is so important.  Sharing and helping support others is good for us, it’s good for our heart and mind. We also find when we share an act of kindness it flows back into our life.  It’s also important that we allow kindness for ourselves too. Be kind to YOU.  It’s learning to give yourself permission to be YOU! To honour what you want from your life and connecting in with that. When you are there for yourself fully you have so much more to give and share out, because you yourself are happy. 

Final Thoughts

So, how can we change the above?  

When someone makes a comment and you feel discomfort, take a step back, start to consider responding differently to them.  Firstly, be there for YOU! Honour YOU! Then respond in a way that can help direct them to be there for themselves too.  Remember their comment could be coming from a place of fear of not being good enough.  Think about ‘permission to control’. Their comment being used as protection to make them feel better.  Usually, a bit of kind guidance can change their perspective.  Even though they initially made you feel uncomfortable. Forgive them in your mind.  It will not only give you permission to move forward, but also for them too. 

Imagine if children were taught this early on, this understanding.  Look at the difference in responses that would take place.  It’s all about understanding perception in that moment. Change it! Remember when you are agreeing to something that doesn’t feel right to you, you are giving your permission away.  You are not being the true you in that moment. Only YOU are responsible for what you allow and give permission to. 

Other people’s influences and comments can help, but they can also hinder.  Be sure to keep your blinkers on! Always follow your heart 💜

Neuroplasticity, you’re Firing and Wiring System

The more I work with the mind the more it amazes me!  I’ve experienced seeing fabulous changes in clients in sessions that just blow your mind away!  As a therapist, seeing these responses and changes in sessions, for me, is the reassurance that the mind certainly can create powerful change.  Sometimes in the simplest of ways. 

Neuroplasticity in Hypnosis

Having experienced both sides of the coin, the receiving end and the guiding of Hypnotherapy and Hypnosis sessions, you start to click onto various aspects of this powerful part of us, our mind.  It truly is a powerful tool, and one that plays many tricks on us in the cleverest of ways.  It can in fact be quite stubborn!  If we know these tricks in which it can play on us, surely, we can use this consciously to work with.  That’s what we do in hypnosis. 

One part that really fascinates me is something called ‘neuroplasticity’.  We have had a bit of a focus on that this week, so let’s have just a brief look and learn a little of how our brain wires.  I’m no scientist, but just having a simple understanding can guide us into a world of new directions, new thought processes and new responses.

What is neuroplasticity?

In a nutshell it’s the brains incredible ability to change itself.  It is the brain’s ability to create change and respond to new information within its neural networks and pathways.  We all have this function working within our minds, it just does it!  Neuroplasticity is also known as neural plasticity, or brain plasticity.  

We all go through life, and we change as time passes.  We all have different needs at certain times of our life, especially when we are learning something new. We experience different situations, and we learn from them.  Our brain can change as we grow, and it reorganizes our functions, thoughts, and responses for us if it differs from how we were previously functioning in an old habit or way in our life before. It can even help people who suffer from a brain injury. 

Brain injury

Neuroplasticity is often spoken about and associated with brain injury.  It allows the nerve cells to introduce a new way to deal with the situation at hand.  It compensates for what’s lost and adjusts itself so that the person can respond to new situations and changes that have taken place in their life and their environment.  The body adjusts, and it adjusts very quickly.  Neuronal firing happens between the neutrons in our brain via electrical impulses and neurotransmitters. Just like in times of change we adjust, so can the responses for someone experiencing a brain injury.

Music and Neuroplasticity

Being a music teacher for the most part of my life, I’ve seen neuroplasticity in action.  It always makes me smile.  Let’s use this as an example.  It can also be applied to any new situation we experience.  

First Learning

Think about when someone first decides to learn piano or a keyboard instrument, in fact it could be any musical instrument.  Initially, we get the person to be aware of the shape of the keyboard the layout of the ebony and ivory on the piano keys as I call it.  At first, they don’t know which note is what, they haven’t got a clue! They don’t know about keys, sharps or flats, Middle C etc, but after a few lessons they start to become aware of the information that they can process from reading the simple dots on the page to transferring it onto the keyboard.  

Dexterity Functions

Think about if you try to use your five fingers on a piano.  Most people press a key with their forefinger they don’t apply all five fingers.  So, when you ask them to play five notes from thumb through to little finger controlling each note individually it can become quite a task.  Their brain isn’t used to processing the information quickly and easily at first.  The fourth finger and little finger get in a muddle usually and almost don’t work properly.  After a few weeks practice the fingers start to work individually for themselves.  You know which finger to place on which note and you press it.  It starts to become automatic; you don’t have to think about it.  

Something New

What you have created in this instance is the firing and wiring of learning something new.  Your brain has made new connections within it to allow you to create that function physically, and the process of mentally reading the music and transferring the information.  Now normally you would think nothing more of this and just get on with learning the instrument, but this is neuroplasticity in action!  It’s the same as typing on your computer keyboard, or the mini keyboards on our phones. Think how quickly someone can type a text message, their finger, or fingers, depending on whether they use one hand or two flies round the letters.  How is your brain processing that information? It has had to create new neural pathways to do just that, and it did it easily for you, with practise.  Just like practise is required to learn the piano. 

Everyday Life Growth

So, you see we use neuroplasticity every day of our lives, we are constantly experiencing growth within our brain, and our brain just turns up to do the job.  Anything that we no longer require it disconnects it.  It no longer fires and wires it together. Think of the old saying ‘If you don’t use it, you lose it!’ it’s very true.  I suppose another way we could look at this is the age-old wisdom.  Growth is of course inevitable, for all of us, and we gain that wisdom as we go. 

Could we direct this?

Yes, of course we can.  What if we chose to use it specifically? To direct it deliberately in a certain way? In a way that could benefit us.  What could we change?  knowing more about it and having just a brief simple understanding that this neuroplasticity exists within us in as mentioned above could change the way we respond. We could use it to direct our life in the direction we are choosing, rather than getting drawn into situations that could take us down the wrong route of negative thinking, actions, and responses. Direct a learning of how you want it to be. How do we do that?….

Becoming Aware

…By becoming aware. It’s good to STOP for a moment and think about what’s going through your mind, your thoughts and responses, no matter what task is at hand.  What could you be allowing to sink down into your subconscious mind today? Down that rabbit hole?  What is firing and wiring in your brain? 

Are you happy with what you are making connection with? Do those thoughts feel good to you? Are you creating something you want or don’t want? What new habit is being created by you right now? without even realising it. Our subconscious loves habit it’s good at it! We learn things naturally from our experience but have a think about what you could deliberately direct to let go of the old and bring in the new. Just how you want it.  It’s how our mind processes new information and it can change and run a new program, so direct it! Make it fun!

Get off your autopilot!

Rather than just going through your day on autopilot, make a conscious decision to check in occasionally. You can change it 😊 You can run new programs, just like updating your Apps on your phone or devices.

Simple but very powerful stuff! Enjoy your creating and learning. Enjoy updating your own person APP! Remember to Practice! Practice! Practice!

#neuroplasticity #learning #newhabits #create #perspective

Reality or Reality??

When we have a deeper understanding of how the mind works in it’s mysterious ways, we have access to so much more, we have tapped into the knowledge to create powerful positive change. The more we understand, the easier it is to deal with life’s moments, good or bad. These understandings were so beneficial to me on my healing journey which I share in my new book. Read on…you may find you might think slightly differently. What’s your reality?

Have you ever thought about reality? What is reality? How does our mind process reality? You could ask many questions about it really.  Not many people really think of it much, they just going about their usual daily habits and routines, which all follow on one after each other. It’s how most of our days flow. 

So, what is reality? What is it we really see?  Reality is doing what we do in our everyday lives, we exist, we are in existence. We are matter in motion.  We live in the real world, our real world, we live in our truth, what we take to be true.  But what is our truth? Well, our truth is actually our perspective of that real world, and each and every one of us has a different perspective. Where does this perspective come from?

Why a Difference Perspective?

Our perspective is created from our experiences in life.  We all have completely different experiences because we are all individual people.  We are all living our life as WE see it or should I say, ‘FEEL IT!’. We create our reality because we can only create and see from our own perspective, the perspective which we believe to be true.  We are programmed through our life’s situations.  Another person may see the same situation completely different to you, may respond differently, because they have different programs and beliefs running deep within their subconscious.  We are all responding from our practised thoughts, habits and emotions which are linked to our experiences, our reality. 

Something to think about…

We CREATE what we BELIEVE

We BELIEVE what we PERCEIVE

We PERCEIVE what we EXPERIENCE

and … We EXPERIENCE what we CREATE

Anon.

Repeat … No matter where you start this quote it works, try it!  It gets you thinking!

How does the mind process reality?

Your subconscious mind remembers every aspect of your life, right the way back to the third trimester in your mother’s womb.  How amazing is that!  If it remembers every aspect of your life, it remembers not only the good experiences, but also the bad experiences as well. Each experience holds either a very strong emotion, or one that is not so strong, maybe irrelevant. If you have a strong emotion attached to an experience, your subconscious holds this more firmly as a belief within you.  It remembers how you responded at that point in time.  

If the response was traumatic and it made you anxious, any time you experience something like it again you will most probably find you will respond in the same way again, anxiously.  It’s your subconscious minds way of thinking it is protecting you, it believes it must respond that way. It’s been wired that way from the original experience; it doesn’t know any better.  It’s interesting to know that within any experience your subconscious will remember not only how you responded or felt, but it will also remember the temperature of the room, the colours, every single detail associated with the situation you found yourself in. 

The Monkey Brain

Your subconscious mind is also sometimes called the ‘Monkey’ brain. Basically, it doesn’t understand the difference between right or wrong, it just accepts what’s happening as true. Responses can happen from a traumatic experience programmed deep within your mind.  It plays out the response because it believes that is what it must do for you in that moment, it remembers from the first time you experienced it. You can think of your ‘monkey brain’ as a computer, saving the data information that is being fed into it. It then draws on the information that’s appropriate to help you through experiences which are arising again that are similar. Each time this happens it adds to the belief, strengthening it, whether it’s good or bad. 

Real Reality or the Power of Thought?

Now we understand that the subconscious doesn’t understand the difference between right or wrong, it just takes things as truth, let’s think about the reality we see in front of us and the reality within our thinking minds, the realities we visualise.  Does the subconscious distinguish between the two? 

Science and Imagery

It has been scientifically proven that when we experience something in ‘real reality’, then think about that same situation again in our minds, the brain fires, and wires in the same way. Experiments have been done with athletes to prove this works.

They got the athletes to run their race physically in ‘real reality’ around the racetrack, running the best that they possibly could, aiming to win and gain their best time whilst they were practising.  They then got the athletes to lie or sit down and visualise themselves running the exact same race again in their minds eye, visualising the run.  The aim is for the athlete to focus very clearly on the positive outcome of winning their race. When they visualise and imagine the positive outcome the mind and body is programmed to respond in that way.  This provides a strong belief within them that they can perform at their optimum levels. 

Scientists measured their brain waves and frequencies both in the ‘real reality’ and the ‘visualised reality’.  What’s interesting is the results show that the brain fires and wires very much the same, whether the athlete is physically running, or visualising running. 

Is Perception Reality?

If every experience remains deep within us, the response, the feeling, the emotion, the belief that it’s true, that it’s happened before us and within us, every single detail, then our perception of that experience is our belief around it. From that belief we then create future responses, which further builds that belief to be true.  

But is that truth actually true? … well it will be to you because you don’t know any different, you have learned from your experiences. That truth may be, and probably will be different for someone else. Our experience is what we believe, the belief is a perception of YOUR reality …therefore, Perception is Reality!

Can we change our Reality?

With the understanding of this, what could WE change in our reality? If our reality is only a belief we hold, could we change our experience through changing our belief? The new experience would then change not only the belief but the perception too. Perception is how we view and experience the world around is … therefore, Perception is Reality!

Favourite Quote …

My all-time favourite Quote is from a selection of books called ‘Seth Speaks’ which I found extremely useful whilst going through my cancer journey.  It helped me deal with the possibility of death.  Death was knocking right at my doorstep back in 2010 and this powerful quote was totally life changing for me.  It taught me how the mind works, I was intrigued by it.  When we understand how our mind works, we have amazing power to utilise through our thoughts! That powerful quote is …

‘We Create Our Own Reality’

… no one else, just us, through our perceptions.  Our Perceptions are OUR REALITY!

Thinking about how the subconscious understands reality, we can now see how beneficial Hypnosis can be in changing beliefs, experiences, and perceptions, it truly is a very powerful therapy, its life changing! … and that’s why I became a Hypnotherapist!

#reality #perception #experience #belief #create