‘When the time is right, things fall into place. Let go of the disappointment, it’s there for a reason, to grow’.
– Michelle Townsend.
What Lies Beneath?
‘Fear lies beneath. It hides, it’s sneaky. It pops it’s head up when we least expect. It brings forward feelings we didn’t realise were there. Feelings that we thought were there can change and seem to lead to something more underlying, much deeper rooted. We start asking ourselves questions of ‘why do I feel this way?’, ‘Why does this situation rattle my emotions?’. We can start to feel a little baffled by it all.
What does it teach us? Where does it take us? What is the real reason for it?
There’s only Two
It’s interesting to know that we are in fact born with only two innate fears. The fear of loud noises or sounds, and the fear of falling. Common human fears include fear of death, the fear of being abandoned, and one I find which resonates with a lot of people and deal with many times in sessions is the fear of failure.
Apart from the two main fears, we create all others from our experiences as we go through life. Experiences which have strong emotional links sink deep down into our subconscious. The subconscious locks away our experiences good and bad and creates beliefs around them. These beliefs become programs, programs that want to protect us. The subconscious is just doing its job of looking after us…but…it doesn’t always get it right. Fears can create blockages, stopping us moving forward, taking the next step, and even living life.
From a Different Perspective
If we can learn to look at fear in a different perspective and foster a deeper understanding; fear could be our ultimate friend. With this in mind, we can then start to process difficult situations from our past to help us create positive change for our future. We can’t change the past, we can only learn and develop from it. If we can take a step back from fear, acknowledge it, accept it; fear then strengthens the soul, powers us up, drives us. Learning to honour it as guidance is the real KEY here.
Hidden Realisations
Have you ever lived through an experience where you thought you were just going through the motions of it, what you thought were normal responses, to then find you’d been experiencing FEAR all along without even realising? I want to share something with you.
Feel the Release…and Breathe
On the evening of Wednesday 15th February 2023, I settled myself into bed. It had been an extremely busy week. Work life Balance had been hard going, tiring, but I always manage it. I went to bed feeling extremely content, at peace, relaxed, and a balanced mindset. I was suddenly made aware of a powerful feeling of release; the pressure had been completely taken off; the release valve opened. It had suddenly come to my awareness that I had been holding onto fear which I hadn’t even realised. My body felt complete rest, relieved, free. Why? Why did I suddenly become aware of this? The release of the tension, the pressure, was the signal. I had space to breathe.
Now, you might say ‘well you have space to breathe anyway Michelle’ but apparently, I didn’t. This was the big realisation. That feeling of release. I had received the news of the Hay House Writers Contest that evening only a few hours earlier.
We are All Human
Yes, I’m a therapist, but I’m also a human being living life, having life experiences just like anyone else. Sometimes people put therapists up on a pedestal, they have all the answers. Yes, we have the techniques and tools to work clients through situations, we guide them to create the change within themselves; but we too have our shit to work through, continuing to have our life experiences also. I certainly work and teach from experience, especially with the cancer I experienced. That turned out to be a true blessing.
Entries Galore
It was on 15th December 2022 that I had submitted my book proposal for the publishing contest. The proposal is almost a book within itself, months of work. Hay House had received 250 entries for this session, WOW! There were only three prizes up for grabs, in fact they changed it to four because they had received such high-caliber proposals! It’s wonderful to hear so many people are writing their inspirational stories to share. I felt proud I had achieved this thus far; proud to be a part of this chance. I honoured that within me.
When The Time Is Right
On the 15th February 2023 we received the news of the contest winners. Before the news I hadn’t realised how much I had been working myself up around the announcement, both in a positive and negative way. Thoughts of ‘Oh it would be totally amazing if I won! Look at what I could achieve, look at where this could take me, look how many people I could help by sharing my story’. To then thinking…. ‘If I get through, look at everything I’m required to do! How will I know how to do all this? How will this sort and that sort?’ my mind was on overdrive. Positive…negative…positive…negative, but I would always bring it back to the joy and gratitude of achieving and receiving that publishing deal, if it was meant to be.
Processing Fear
What I realised that night was I had been living in fear. The fact that I hadn’t got through this time didn’t faze me at all. It became apparent by the feeling of release, the feeling of then being able to breathe again, that deep down I had been doubting myself. ‘Am I good enough to write this book? Who am I to write a book!’
Not winning got me off the hook! I know, totally ridiculous! I was absolutely fine with the result, I felt so happy for the writers who had won. It wasn’t my time, and I wholeheartedly accepted that.
It highlighted for me to reassess my feelings. Knowing I can resubmit again in June, whether I self-publish, or look at other publishers. It was an option, I do have choices, we always have choices. Chapters have already started to change, so I’m adapting, going with the flow, growing with it. My book will be ready when it’s time.
It’s Normal to Feel this Way
Hay House Writers Community has been a blessing. There is so much help and guidance from being part of this wonderful writing community. Obviously, it isn’t free, I pay for it, but it is worth every penny.
We have a section on there where each month we have a video to watch. These are inspirational talks from Hay House authors who share their personal experiences of writing, their journey, and their advice. These include names such as Dr Wayne Dyer, Marianne Williamson, Kyle Grey, Rebecca Campbell, Brendon Burchard, Gabrielle Bernstein, the list goes on.
What became apparent that night was I was experiencing what almost every single writer experiences. All the above and more have shared their feelings around fear, fear of not being good enough, fear of becoming a writer, fear of…you name it! These wonderful writers have all shared their fears, their setbacks, and stories to help us. I felt normal thinking back over these videos I’ve watched. After all, most of these authors self-published in the first instance. I distinctly remember Dr David Hamilton sharing his powerful story at a talk a few years ago of how he felt regarding his writing of his first book and self-publishing, overcoming his fears. His latest blog ‘Say Yes to Life’ also shares fears of saying ‘yes’ and how in fact they can be the making of you. They are all truly inspirational stories to hear. It keeps you going.
J. K. Rowling’s original Harry Potter book was rejected 12 times before it got it’s first publishing contract! It has to be a face your fear and do it anyway situation. ‘Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway’ Susan Jeffers rings a bell here.
Sharing Our Fears Helps Others…It Empowers
How do we learn if we don’t share our fears? By talking about it we can process the feelings; create the learning that’s required to move forward, step forward and at the same time help others. We tend to put off doing things because we are scared we don’t know how to do it! Just like listening to all the authors on Hay House, it makes us feel normal, a normal process. With that understanding in mind it gives us the release, the freedom to continue and flow. Bite the bullet and just go for it!
People tend to hide their fears thinking it shows weakness when I fact we can use it as our strength! Its all about changing our perspective. We don’t have a manual for life, we just experience it. It’s from those experiences we develop. Moving from our head to our hearts can shift us. We are here to enjoy ourselves. So rather than fearing the journey, ride it like a rollercoaster. Yes, there will be ups and downs, accept that, that’s all part of the fun!
Did anyone know how to do anything in the first place? No they didn’t!! They had to learn through the process of inspiration through fear! You are guided along the way, one step leads to the next. Learn to roll with it. Adversity strengthens the soul, it breeds strength! Pick yourself back up and continue, you’ll generate more wisdom that way. You learn more from your mistakes.
Help is Always Around
My intention here has been to help you look at fear in a different way, albeit subtle. Maybe it has resonated with you in someway to help you in an area of your life. Your fears may be completely different to mine, but we all have them, every single one of us. It helps to ask yourself, ‘What am I wanting to achieve with my life? How can I create that?’ Connect with that. The right thoughts and directions will come in for you. You’ve put the thought out so to speak. Trust the guidance, follow your bliss.
Do you have hidden fears you wish to address? Get in touch for help and advice in navigating your fears. Sometimes all it takes is that change of perspective. Get your life back on track.
As Anita Moorjani says in her book Dying to be Me… ‘live life fearlessly!‘
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