Inspiration Through Fear

‘When the time is right, things fall into place.  Let go of the disappointment, it’s there for a reason, to grow’.

– Michelle Townsend. 

What Lies Beneath? 

‘Fear lies beneath. It hides, it’s sneaky.  It pops it’s head up when we least expect.  It brings forward feelings we didn’t realise were there.   Feelings that we thought were there can change and seem to lead to something more underlying, much deeper rooted.  We start asking ourselves questions of ‘why do I feel this way?’, ‘Why does this situation rattle my emotions?’.  We can start to feel a little baffled by it all.  

What does it teach us?  Where does it take us?  What is the real reason for it?  

There’s only Two

woman biting nails habit

It’s interesting to know that we are in fact born with only two innate fears.  The fear of loud noises or sounds, and the fear of falling.  Common human fears include fear of death, the fear of being abandoned, and one I find which resonates with a lot of people and deal with many times in sessions is the fear of failure.  

Apart from the two main fears, we create all others from our experiences as we go through life.  Experiences which have strong emotional links sink deep down into our subconscious.  The subconscious locks away our experiences good and bad and creates beliefs around them.  These beliefs become programs, programs that want to protect us.   The subconscious is just doing its job of looking after us…but…it doesn’t always get it right.  Fears can create blockages, stopping us moving forward, taking the next step, and even living life. 

From a Different Perspective

If we can learn to look at fear in a different perspective and foster a deeper understanding; fear could be our ultimate friend.  With this in mind, we can then start to process difficult situations from our past to help us create positive change for our future.  We can’t change the past, we can only learn and develop from it.  If we can take a step back from fear, acknowledge it, accept it; fear then strengthens the soul, powers us up, drives us. Learning to honour it as guidance is the real KEY here. 

Hidden Realisations

Have you ever lived through an experience where you thought you were just going through the motions of it, what you thought were normal responses, to then find you’d been experiencing FEAR all along without even realising?  I want to share something with you.  

Feel the Release…and Breathe

On the evening of Wednesday 15th February 2023, I settled myself into bed. It had been an extremely busy week.  Work life Balance had been hard going, tiring, but I always manage it.   I went to bed feeling extremely content, at peace, relaxed, and a balanced mindset.  I was suddenly made aware of a powerful feeling of release; the pressure had been completely taken off; the release valve opened.  It had suddenly come to my awareness that I had been holding onto fear which I hadn’t even realised.  My body felt complete rest, relieved, free. Why? Why did I suddenly become aware of this?  The release of the tension, the pressure, was the signal.  I had space to breathe.  

Now, you might say ‘well you have space to breathe anyway Michelle’ but apparently, I didn’t. This was the big realisation. That feeling of release.  I had received the news of the Hay House Writers Contest that evening only a few hours earlier.  

We are All Human

Yes, I’m a therapist, but I’m also a human being living life, having life experiences just like anyone else.  Sometimes people put therapists up on a pedestal, they have all the answers.  Yes, we have the techniques and tools to work clients through situations, we guide them to create the change within themselves; but we too have our shit to work through, continuing to have our life experiences also. I certainly work and teach from experience, especially with the cancer I experienced.  That turned out to be a true blessing.    

Entries Galore

It was on 15th December 2022 that I had submitted my book proposal for the publishing contest.  The proposal is almost a book within itself, months of work.  Hay House had received 250 entries for this session, WOW!  There were only three prizes up for grabs, in fact they changed it to four because they had received such high-caliber proposals! It’s wonderful to hear so many people are writing their inspirational stories to share.  I felt proud I had achieved this thus far; proud to be a part of this chance.  I honoured that within me.  

When The Time Is Right

On the 15th February 2023 we received the news of the contest winners.   Before the news I hadn’t realised how much I had been working myself up around the announcement, both in a positive and negative way.  Thoughts of ‘Oh it would be totally amazing if I won!  Look at what I could achieve, look at where this could take me, look how many people I could help by sharing my story’.  To then thinking…. ‘If I get through, look at everything I’m required to do!  How will I know how to do all this?  How will this sort and that sort?’ my mind was on overdrive.  Positive…negative…positive…negative, but I would always bring it back to the joy and gratitude of achieving and receiving that publishing deal, if it was meant to be.  

Processing Fear

What I realised that night was I had been living in fear.  The fact that I hadn’t got through this time didn’t faze me at all.  It became apparent by the feeling of release, the feeling of then being able to breathe again, that deep down I had been doubting myself.  ‘Am I good enough to write this book?  Who am I to write a book!’  

Not winning got me off the hook!  I know, totally ridiculous!  I was absolutely fine with the result, I felt so happy for the writers who had won.  It wasn’t my time, and I wholeheartedly accepted that.  

It highlighted for me to reassess my feelings.  Knowing I can resubmit again in June, whether I self-publish, or look at other publishers. It was an option, I do have choices, we always have choices.  Chapters have already started to change, so I’m adapting, going with the flow, growing with it.  My book will be ready when it’s time.  

It’s Normal to Feel this Way

Hay House Writers Community has been a blessing.  There is so much help and guidance from being part of this wonderful writing community.  Obviously, it isn’t free, I pay for it, but it is worth every penny.  

We have a section on there where each month we have a video to watch.  These are inspirational talks from Hay House authors who share their personal experiences of writing, their journey, and their advice.  These include names such as Dr Wayne Dyer, Marianne Williamson, Kyle Grey, Rebecca Campbell, Brendon Burchard, Gabrielle Bernstein, the list goes on.  

What became apparent that night was I was experiencing what almost every single writer experiences.  All the above and more have shared their feelings around fear, fear of not being good enough, fear of becoming a writer, fear of…you name it!  These wonderful writers have all shared their fears, their setbacks, and stories to help us.  I felt normal thinking back over these videos I’ve watched.  After all, most of these authors self-published in the first instance. I distinctly remember Dr David Hamilton sharing his powerful story at a talk a few years ago of how he felt regarding his writing of his first book and self-publishing, overcoming his fears. His latest blog ‘Say Yes to Life’ also shares fears of saying ‘yes’ and how in fact they can be the making of you.  They are all truly inspirational stories to hear.  It keeps you going.  

J. K. Rowling’s original Harry Potter book was rejected 12 times before it got it’s first publishing contract!    It has to be a face your fear and do it anyway situation.  ‘Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway’ Susan Jeffers rings a bell here. 

Sharing Our Fears Helps Others…It Empowers

How do we learn if we don’t share our fears? By talking about it we can process the feelings; create the learning that’s required to move forward, step forward and at the same time help others.  We tend to put off doing things because we are scared we don’t know how to do it! Just like listening to all the authors on Hay House, it makes us feel normal, a normal process.  With that understanding in mind it gives us the release, the freedom to continue and flow. Bite the bullet and just go for it!

People tend to hide their fears thinking it shows weakness when I fact we can use it as our strength!  Its all about changing our perspective.  We don’t have a manual for life, we just experience it.  It’s from those experiences we develop.  Moving from our head to our hearts can shift us. We are here to enjoy ourselves.  So rather than fearing the journey, ride it like a rollercoaster.  Yes, there will be ups and downs, accept that, that’s all part of the fun!  

Did anyone know how to do anything in the first place?  No they didn’t!! They had to learn through the process of inspiration through fear! You are guided along the way, one step leads to the next.  Learn to roll with it.  Adversity strengthens the soul, it breeds strength!  Pick yourself back up and continue, you’ll generate more wisdom that way. You learn more from your mistakes.

Help is Always Around

My intention here has been to help you look at fear in a different way, albeit subtle.  Maybe it has resonated with you in someway to help you in an area of your life.  Your fears may be completely different to mine, but we all have them, every single one of us.  It helps to ask yourself, ‘What am I wanting to achieve with my life?  How can I create that?’  Connect with that.  The right thoughts and directions will come in for you.  You’ve put the thought out so to speak.  Trust the guidance, follow your bliss. 

Do you have hidden fears you wish to address?  Get in touch for help and advice in navigating your fears.  Sometimes all it takes is that change of perspective. Get your life back on track.

As Anita Moorjani says in her book Dying to be Me… ‘live life fearlessly!‘

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Pace, Patience, Appreciation and Achievements

Busy, Busy, Busy!

The last few months of 2022 proved to be extremely busy, almost overwhelming, and a bit stressful – but fabulously amazing!  Running two businesses; continuing with writing the content for my book; completing my book proposal and the research for it; keeping up with social media posts; running music exams and then attempting to make time for me – my space to breathe.  Now I must say the last one of those took a bit of a back step considering what I preach to clients.  I could have done with 40 hours in a day rather than 24!  There were many 2 a.m.’s, quite a few to be honest, but I did it.  Sometimes life is like that. 

Simple Things are Achievements Too!

When we reach a deadline, we feel fantastic!  It feels such an achievement.  It’s such a big thing to us, but do we stop and acknowledge our achievements of the little things in life? The simple everyday things that we do. The things that almost seem part of our life that we just do on autopilot and take for granted, the daily chores.  

‘Oi You!’ Stop and Remember!

Christmas 2022 became a powerful reminder for me.  It was almost a kick up the back side to say ‘oi’ remember what you do, remember what you have done, remember all the things that you do and honour your achievements large or small, but remember to be there for YOU!

After the extremely busy few months preceding Christmas, my body decided it was time to step back; it was time for Covid!  Now, I’m a great believer that if we are on the verge of burn out, then the body almost says ‘that’s enough’ we are going to knock you off your feet so you will rest!  So it did. 

Sitting With What You Can’t Change…

Christmas was cancelled completely.  I was gutted. I was so looking forward to a Christmas where I could finally get back to a more balanced routine and enjoy family time, but it wasn’t to be.  It was complete bed rest and although I had to deal with symptoms, it was very refreshing.  I completely switched off; I had to; I had no choice in the matter.  Even though I had really enjoyed the journey and the experiences of being super busy, I had no urge to read, to go on social media, to write, nor, in fact, to do any of the things I had been doing. I had, after all got into an amazing routine, which I am proud of, but it was the warning to switch off and rest.  So…I followed my joy and found the enjoyment in watching films.

Acceptance Is key…

In brief, Covid knocked the energy right out of me in the weeks that followed.  I had to accept that just for a while I had to take a step back and honour me (Which I sometimes find hard to do) but that’s ok.  It was good for me.  Whilst resting I thought about what I’d been doing.  Just thinking about what I’d achieved wore me out.  Had I really done all of that before Christmas? How did I keep going? Where on earth did I find the energy to do all of that?  

When you experience fatigue, you learn to pace yourself, you learn to be patient, you must, you have no choice.  I’ve been there before with cancer treatment, so you’d think I’d know.  I’d even had to stop my running back in October because there physically wasn’t time or energy in my schedule to go out on a run.  Especially with 2 a.m.’s on the cards.  That was just something else to do, so I paused it for a while.  Sometimes we must make sacrifices. 

I felt guilty for not sharing my regular posts on social media and for not writing. The list goes on.  But I knew that I had to take the strong step back, to heal, to reset and it’s absolutely OK!

Go Gentle…

Starting back to work after the Christmas break had to be subtle. I prioritised what needed to be done, what didn’t and what could wait.  Learning to be patient and honour the simple things in life, such as those daily chores, remembering that those in themselves are massive achievements and something to be proud of.  You build yourself back up.  It was a powerful reminder.   

Realisations…

So, where am I going with this blog? What can you learn from it? You’ve already taken the information you require from it believe it or not.  That’s your subconscious working.  It would have highlighted many things within you to reconsider, you probably resonate with what I’ve shared in some way.  Use it to create change. 

You Set the Pace…

Life is busy, we all know that.  Jobs can become overwhelming whether at work or at home.  But life can be as busy or as relaxed as we make it.  We have a choice in any one moment about how we are going to deal with these jobs.  We are all guilty of setting the tread mill pace too fast without realising it.  When things need to be done, we just get on and do it in the best way we can and that’s great!  Sometimes we take too much on, overwhelming us without realising it.  

Acknowledging the Simple Things are Important…

So how can this reminder help?  What if we took the stance to acknowledge every simple little thing we do during each day.  Practising placing our thoughts into giving thanks and experiencing a feeling of gratitude for what we achieve every day, even those little chores.  We never think they are necessary or important, but they are.  Each chore takes up energy to achieve, it is within itself an achievement.  This may seem rather silly but it’s important. If acknowledging those little daily chores highlights to you what you are doing, could it change your choices and teach you to pace and be patient with yourself to help create a more balanced lifestyle? Absolutely it can!! We need to honour what we do, every single bit of it!  If we don’t, we can push ourselves too far.  Self-care is so important. 

Create the Balance…

So, what can we do to help create more balance in our lives? Here’s a few simple tips to help create Pacing, Patience, and Appreciation of your Achievements. 

  • Prioritise – what’s important and what can wait? 
  • Pace yourself – Go with the flow of what’s comfortable for you.  Remember to balance activities.
  • Be Patient – take the pressure off, go easy on yourself.
  • Praise and appreciation – Praise yourself up for what you can do.
  • Time Out – Allow times throughout the day to take a step back and reset, even if only for 10 minutes.  Being aware of what you are doing and being proud of it!
  • Space to Breathe – The breath is fantastic for bringing us back into balance.  Take time to allow space to breathe.  Nice deep breath in and slowly and gently exhaling out.  It feels good!  It is good!  You can do this in your time out. 
  • Rest Time – Honour a space each day to switch off completely (no that doesn’t mean bedtime! Or surfing social media!) If you switch off once home from work, make it more special.  Rest completely. 
  • Practise Gratitude – There is always something to be grateful for.  Remember those little things.  You’ll find more things to be grateful for because that’s where you are focused.
  • Enjoy the Journey – We are here to enjoy our lives.  Enjoy the simple things, you deserve it!  The bigger things will seem even more special when we take this approach.  Try it!

Final Word

These are all very simple but powerful.  Don’t allow yourself to burn out.  It’s all too easy to follow our thoughts and push ourselves.  Realise the importance of pacing and being patient with yourself, whether dealing with illness or busy daily life.  Take a step back, realise what you are doing and avoid going too fast on that tread mill!  Set your pace and enjoy the journey!

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#Pace #Patience #Appreciation #Achievements #stepback #reset #heal

The Benefits of Gratitude

Whilst away on holiday last week in the glorious weather, I enjoyed, and spent a good amount of time writing.  It was too hot to go out and about, so I made use of the rest, but also the space I had to write.  I took a week off from my blog and focused on my book completely.  After alI,I was on holiday, but wanted to maintain my writing.

Space

The space I had for writing was sitting out in nature, obviously in the shade.  I would have looked like a lobster otherwise!  It was most enjoyable, and in fact highlighted and reminded me once again of the beauty we have around us.  It reminded me of how I used to really connect into nature as a focus of gratitude back in 2010.  It helped me through that tough time tremendously.

I had been working on various chapters of my book, placing memories in appropriate places. This reminded me of ‘Gratitude’ and how I used it back then.  How powerful it was.  How good it was for both my mental health and physical well-being.

Materialistic or Inner self

Now, most people will say ‘Yes, I’m really grateful for what I have in my life’, and most people are. But are they focusing mainly on material things and aspects they have, or what surrounds them?  That’s great!  We all require material things to make our life more comfortable whilst we are here in physical form, but do they focus on what they have inwardly? What does gratitude create within us? Inside of us?

Gratitude and the Brain

Gratitude activates parts of our brain called the hypothalamus.  It wires and fires parts of what we call our brain’s reward pathways.  That positive emotion we feel when receiving something special.  It can activate the brain stem to produce our brain’s pleasure chemical ‘Dopamine’.  It boosts our serotonin levels which in turn creates the pleasure response. When we feel thankful or appreciative it creates a positive emotion within us, creating many health benefits both mental and physical.  When we are in a place of gratitude we respond with feelings of happiness, generosity and kindness. 

What does gratitude teach us?

Life goes well for us most of the time, but life can throw curveballs at us at any point, and it usually does.  It’s how we learn to deal with these curveballs that’s important.  How do we approach a difficult situation? Do we get drawn in, or do we take a step back first before we respond?  Practising gratitude is something we can utilise to help get us through. Things don’t always go the way we want them to.  

What gratitude does, is teaches us no matter what is thrown at us, no matter what we go through, something good will come out of it.  It directs us to look and think about options we would not have even considered before. It drives us to foster what we are grateful for, what we do have.  

It can even create a new direction in life, as it did so for me.  Faced with the adversity of death in 2010 I found gratitude refocused me to enjoy every single minute of my life.  I made the decision to enjoy what I had left, whether it was going to be months or years.  It was life changing for me at that point.  It moves you into experiencing more positive emotions. Plus remembering that we only have NOW.  So, it’s wise to use it in a way that will benefit us rather than deplete us of energy and cause stress, and why not! 

How does gratitude feel within us?

Gratitude is often described as a warmth flowing through you.  You feel a feeling of warmth and contentment.  Just like any other responses, feelings appear within the body associated with an emotion.  The emotion of gratitude produces many responses.  Along with the feeling of warmth, your breath slows down allowing a space to appear within your chest area, giving you space to breathe.  I used to experience a feeling of being grounded, like it was logging me back in, realigning my body.  You may find a smile appears, but you could also find you are experiencing tears rolling down your face.  These are all normal responses to gratitude.  

A response I tend to receive from a gratitude emotion is closing my eyes.  Is this because I use nature as a direct gratitude focus? I would say most people when sitting out in nature spend moments with their eyes closed to have their own space. There is a strong urge to close my eyes, which can easily be the introduction of a meditation.  Gratitude to me is almost like a mini meditation.  It’s checking in with YOU.  Obviously there are different aspects and you may find you experience different responses, it’s good to be aware of these.  Take note whilst you experience a feeling of gratitude.  The more you become aware of it the stronger you will connect into it. 

What are the benefits of Gratitude?

Here are some benefits below that you could experience from using gratitude daily.  When you make it part of your routine it becomes a natural process and response.  Imagine what you could benefit from practising this wonderful feeling and emotion. Make it your trait, and create a new habit where you naturally express this state of being.

  • Makes us happier
  • Being present in the moment
  • Provides room for perspective
  • Regulates our emotions
  • Reduces stress and anxiety
  • Improves our heart health
  • Reduces loneliness
  • Improves our relationships
  • Better sleep
  • Better energy
  • Protect against burnout
  • Boosts our self-esteem
  • Increases mental strength
  • Increases our resilience
  • Deal with the face of adversity
  • Grow from trauma
  • Reduce symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder
  • Improves physical health
  • Improves Psychological health
  • Boost motivation and performance

The list goes on… 

Recognising … Acknowledging … Appreciating

It’s really important to recognise what we are grateful for.  Obviously, we first must become aware of what we are grateful for in our own life. Shifting our focus to what is good.  Remember, we can choose a thought in any moment, so when we place focus on what’s working for us our mind allows us to redirect our thoughts to that.  Rather than focusing on what we don’t have, appreciate what we do have in our life. This could be as basic as nature as mentioned earlier, everyone has access to nature, that is something we can all utilise.  This is what I used so much to create a change in focus. 

Once you are aware and recognised what you are grateful for acknowledge the Gratitude.  Because we have become aware of the gratitude, we then start to respond differently to situations around us.  We start to acknowledge the good feeling within us, which in turn flows from us as our appreciation to others or things around us. For example, relationships become strengthened because we are acknowledging kindness, it’s a two-way response. This is not just specific to relationships with people, it’s regarding relationships with different things in all areas of our life.  We can apply it to anything. 

The power of appreciating Gratitude is powerful. Give thanks for what you are grateful for.  After all every single part of it is very special, no matter how simple.  It could be in the form of an action, a response, or even just for the fact that you are grateful. Value the essence of gratitude.  There is always something to be grateful for, even if it is just feeling grateful for reading these words on the screen as you are right now. 

Start each day with a grateful heart

So, if we want to continue and foster a place of gratitude, how can we do this? What things can we put in place to enable us to practise this and create a good habit?  

The fact that you are focused that way will bring you more to be grateful for in the first instance, because that’s your focus. You get what you focus on!  You will start to notice more to be grateful for around you. Practise makes perfect. You start your day with brushing your teeth, so why not start your day with a grateful heart! Make it a natural habit. Start it whilst brushing your teeth, that will get you off to a good start. It will be your reminder where to place your focus then you are off and running with it!

Journaling and Gratitude Jar

An excellent and fun way is to start a gratitude journal.  Write three things you are grateful for at the beginning or end of each day.  What experiences occurred through your day that made you feel grateful? You could even create a gratitude jar where you write one sentence each day on a slip and then place it in the jar.  Then when in times of trouble, worry, stress or concerns you can dip into your jar for some positive guidance and refocus yourself. Sometimes all we require is a gentle push to refocus.  Simple but powerful.

Client responses

Whilst working with clients I bring in a tremendous amount of gratitude, and get them to work with it. It’s really important to me. Being on the the other side of therapy and using the benefits of gratitude myself is something I share. If it helped me it can help anyone!  

Like the list above it has many benefits.  I find it especially lifts people from a place of depression and low mood.  When we take things back to basics such as connecting with nature, a space is made to allow a shift to take place and create a new perspective.  Simple things always work best, it takes less effort, is easy to do and allows them to be in the moment which can be built on over time. 

So … What are YOU grateful for right NOW?

#gratitude #benefitsofgratitude #grateful #feelings #emotions